And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
