were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
