By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
