i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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