it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
