Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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