An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
