He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
