both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
