just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont even know how to be here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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