YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
