and i looked up. we had an audience...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
