kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
