omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
