Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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