im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
