No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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