blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Are my feet made of real feet?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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