i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
