I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
