I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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