you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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