Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
