so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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