I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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