I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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