she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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