dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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