I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
