Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
