i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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