So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
