Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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