Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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