I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
