I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
