so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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