he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
