i just wanna soil my oats bro
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
