Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
