flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
