Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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