Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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