jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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