So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
