i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
