I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
40s are totally the cure
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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