I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
