lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
