I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
