u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
